Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Fightin' Infections

Category: Humor

I'm trying to get over a cold right now, and other than the hacking, painful, dry cough, I'm doing pretty well. I think the best thing to do at this point is to use the illness as an excure to avoid the gym, my law readings, and calling my family back. Hell, I may even trot out sickness as a reason to not call people back even when I'm healthy.
"Hello?"
"Hi Paleo, this is your first girlfriend from high school. Do you have three hours to talk and catch up?"
"Oooooo, no. I've got... syphilis?"
This is a great idea. There is no way it can backfire.

***

I think if I were to win the lottery, the first thing I would do is donate a ton of money to my college alma mater, then demand that they name every men's room after me. Not "Paleobiology's bathroom" or anything like that; I actually want the bathrooms to be named "Paleobiology." That will totally mess up the students in the Committee on Evolutionary Biology program.
"Hey, are you going to Paleobiology class today?"
"Yes, but first I have to stop by Paleobiology."

***

If that doesn't fly, I'll donate a ton of money to a small college and have them rename the sports teams "The Fightin' Infections." It has the benefit of being offensive to nobody, plus it sends the right message: get well.
After the success of The Fightin' Whities intramural team at the University of Northern Colorado, I anticipate this to be a big moneymaker for both the lucky college and for me. We could even get pharmaceutical conglomerates to sponsor us. The marketing pretty much writes itself.

1 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Non-Gorilla said...

you know, if you get them to call the johns "paleobiologies," college students will just shorten them to something less polysyllabic. "i need to hit the pale" will become the term, at which point students will assume that "pale" is really "pail" and think that it has something to do with buckets.

but such is life.

6:51 AM  

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